Then Peter came and said to him, “Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.”–Matthew 18:21-22.

Can you finish any of these sentences?

• He came within an inch of his… (life).
• She was so happy, she was just tickled to… (death).
• Bless her heart, she’s as big as a… (barn).
• It’s just a hop, skip and a… (jump).
• I wouldn’t touch it with a… (ten foot pole).
• It was so crowded in there you couldn’t swing a… (cat).
• The picnic had more ants than you could shake a… (stick at).
• If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a… (thousand times).

You probably know these sayings very well. All of them are idioms — local expressions to indicate measurement: how close or far, how big or small, how long, how many. They all include an exaggeration to make a point. You know not to take them literally.

The Bible contains a lot of idioms with exaggerations. It we take those statements literally, we may miss the point. Jesus tells Peter he must forgive seventy-seven times. The footnote in my Bible says Jesus may have said to forgive “seventy times seven” which would be 490 times. We can get distracted from the point by wondering if Jesus said “seventy-seven times” or “seventy times seven times.” In ancient Jewish culture, the number seven was a holy number. It symbolized completeness and perfection. When Peter asks Jesus if he must forgive someone seven times, he’s using a number rife with symbolism to ask if forgiveness must be exhaustive. It’s a bit like us asking if we must forgive someone a gazillion times. And whether Jesus’ answer to Peter is seventy-seven times or seventy times seven doesn’t really matter. What he means is that forgiveness must be beyond measure. We are to forgive not just a gazillion, but a bajillion gazillion times.

What does it mean to forgive someone? First let’s consider what forgiveness is NOT. Forgiveness is not the same thing as indulging or excusing behavior that is hurtful, destructive, immoral or criminal. Forgiveness does not minimize the significance of the damage done, justify the wrongdoing, or deny the responsibility of the wrongdoer. Nor does forgiveness mean that the wrongdoer is not held accountable for his or her actions. Misdeeds have consequences. Sometimes those consequences are the natural result of the infringement. Sometimes the consequences are imposed on the wrongdoer by a family member or the community or the judicial system in order to stop the hurtful behavior. Too often this passage has been misused by misguided pastors who have told women that forgiveness means they must stay with abusive husbands instead of reporting the abuser to law enforcement. Sometimes legal action that results in incarceration is the only way to stop an abuser and keep the violence from escalating. Forgiveness does not mean ignoring or tolerating domestic violence or any other destructive behavior.

So what does forgiveness mean? Forgiveness means letting go of the anger and resentment you harbor against the wrongdoer. It means giving up your desire for revenge. Forgiveness severs the psychological tie to the one who wronged you so that person does not define who you are or determine your actions. Forgiveness releases the grip the hurtful event has on you so that you can let the past be past and receive a new future from God. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean the relationship between the wrongdoer and the one wronged will be restored. But even when forgiveness does not lead to reconciliation, even when the wrongdoer does not change, forgiveness changes the person who forgives.

Psychologists have long known that forgiveness is good for our emotional health. The medical field has recently begun to study the positive impact forgiveness has on our physical health. According to the Mayo Clinic’s website, letting go of anger and resentment toward someone can lower blood pressure, reduce symptoms of depression, and lower the risk of alcohol and substance abuse. Conversely, an unwillingness to forgive is psychologically and physically damaging. Not only that. It is spiritually damaging. Refusing to forgive interferes with our receiving God’s forgiveness. It isn’t that God doesn’t want to forgive us, but that our resentment toward someone else gets in the way of receiving the forgiveness God offers us. If we do not forgive, our own bitterness tortures us. And if we never let go of that bitterness, it will torture us to death. That doesn’t mean forgiveness is easy. It may not happen all at once. Forgiveness may mean letting go of our anger, hatred and resentment not just one day, but again and again on subsequent days; not just one time, but a bijillion gazillion times.

We’ve all done wrong. In Jesus Christ we are forgiven. We’ve all been wronged. For Christ’s sake, let’s forgive.

 

Barrie Miller Kirby is pastor of Spencer Presbyterian Church and author of the novel No Such Thing as a Cherokee Princess, available at the Literary Bookpost.