• 46°

Clyde, Time Was: Try this alphabet soup

Time was, we did not abbreviate. Well, sometimes maybe the obligatory FBI, PTA or USA, notwithstanding the everyday tsp., ACC, Mrs. or SSN, etc. But they all made sense.

Then came innovation and there was no time to know all. Words like SCUBA (self-contained underwater breathing apparatus) or RADAR (radio detecting and ranging were acronyms for the simple-minded.

Then came IPC (iPad children) who think nothing (get it?) of slinging around emojis or SMS like OMG, POS, MYOB, SEP, IDC or CWOT, worthy of the Tower of Babel. We are in the dark, thankfully. There was the kind lady wheo sent and email funeral card signed LOL (lots of love, she thought). It just can’t be easier to carry around a brain full of jumbled letters waiting for the right time to use one. Faster but insensitive, potentially reckless and hurtful, unretractable and unapologetical. Rowan Free Press, please add unfounded.

The City Council candidates would do well to take a test before running, not only to see if they can physically sit through a four-hour fiasco, but vote on issues that could change the face of our town forever, seemingly ignoring citizen input but voting their own. Who elected you? Don’t forget. Not that the current gynarchy secretly schemes before the gavel falls. Collusion works best between friends.

Here’s more for would-be council people to decipher.

Notice: FYI, the HPC recommends approval of a COA from the HPC and ETJ be extended to include the LOC planning board conditional zoning request with a demolition hearing with code enforcement officers at the COB with DSI and SRCVB reps to approve an Innes Street corridor grant with a mixed-used overlay on Tues., time TBD. Please RSVP ASAP, just to tear down a sweet, little old warehouse. That’s just a FTX (field training exercise). 2F4U?

What if this scenario cold happen?

WRT the upcoming election, WBTV contacted the NAACP to use FAQ to poll voters on their POV on the KKK at the local YMCA. When the NPR reporter arrived, NTIM, it was SRO and he was SOL because the UDC, DAR and SOCV were using the multi-purposed room to save $, so he shot out a text to the BMOC of the ACLU and the CEO of the CIA and, BYKI, SPD, EMS, SFD, Red Cross and EMTs from from CMC, along with two cute BFF FBI agts., had showed up. The LEO and HQ command at FEMA said something smelled fishy so they put out an APB on HAZMAT, but they sent the ASPCA, who had been at an AA meeting with NARCAN at the AME Zion Church, who asked the DA on the docket to enter a plea of “non compos mentis” and AWOL due to his PTSD from this time in ROTC and an NCO.

His MRT qualified him for a VA loan and a DSS grant for Sect. 8 housing at Brenner Crossing, free AT&T, Fibrant and ASID help with a F&M checking FICA. His low IQ disqualified him from Salisbury Indivisible and he was exempt from voting in the DNC with credit for a BSA merit badge at FUMC B4 the LGBTQ verdict.

His uncle had a DAV tag from WWII with a NYC APO address. While he was OTL, his DWI case was called and that lady judge gave him probation and CTS because he was the spit and image of a GQ model with a MFA in PGA with a CPA minor from Ga. Tech in tennis and in a V-neck sweater.

He labeled it FYEO and sent it UPS, but it came back USPO stamped RTS, address UNK MLK BLVD EXT. Refused. He thought about giving up but the world must go on with or without the internet so he decided to cut it short (abbrv., get it?) like the editor at that paper told him; his column could be shorter, so the rest is for me to know and you to find out.

Anti-thought. Who can know too much?

If you haven’t overdosed by now, please add to your list these invented hypothetical WTF monikers:

• 2S2K: too stupid to know

• 2F2FF: too fat to feed your face (or eat another french fry)

• UPT: useless piece of trash

• NMP: not my problem

• GOMF: get off my Facebook (all caps mean shouting)

• NWMW: not with my wife

• OT2D: other things to do

• DUMB: doing useless and mindless business

Some things would be better unsaid than shortened.

Add your own submissions at sleeplessinsalisbury.com (not a real website). With a little TNT and a permit from MENSA, you will soon be DOA. RIP. MTFBWY.

FKA Clyde.

Clyde, who goes by only his first name, is a Salisbury artist.

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