By Elisabeth Strillacci
For the Salisbury Post

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of telling a story when the person you are talking to suddenly becomes distracted and you realize they are no longer listening to you?

I’m willing to bet we all have. Someone walks up and interrupts what you are saying, seemingly unaware that you were midsentence. And the person you were talking to, instead of pointing out they are engaged, stops listening to you and shifts their attention. Or worse, in the middle of your story, the person meant to be listening to you makes a comment or asks a question completely unrelated, and you are aware they were paying no attention to you at all.

It is enough to make you feel invisible, and it’s hurtful, but we seem to do this to each other more and more often.

I suspect the reasons are numerous. One, I’ve no doubt, is that ridiculous FOMO or fear of missing out that has become so prevalent. We are so fearful of missing information or being a part of the next big bit of gossip that we’ve stopped listening to what someone already in front of us is saying. Another is we are so invested in looking ahead to our own next witty comment that we’re not listening to what is being said right now.

Another reason, let’s face it, is that we’ve lost the skill of courtesy. I would never, ever walk up and interrupt an ongoing conversation unless someone was dying. I was brought up to understand I wait my turn, let others finish what they are saying. But it appears others are not taught this any longer. I cannot count the number of times just in the last week that I’ve been in mid-conversation and have had someone walk up and begin talking to either me or the other party.

I will hold up one finger and politely say “just a moment, I want to hear what my friend was saying.” But that is the exception. To date, no one else has bothered to say a word, instead allowing the interruption to stand.

It’s making me less inclined to engage in casual conversation. My time is still valuable, and if I choose to spend time with you, the least I hope for is that you honor that value, as I do yours.

I think part of it is also that we have forgotten how to be totally present in the moment, in the now. We are rushing headlong into the future and we have forgotten that in truth, the present is the reality. The future is not guaranteed; the present is where we live. If we overlook or ignore it, we are missing our lives.

It’s time to practice being present. The next time you are engaged in conversation, look at the person talking with you. Do not let yourself start thinking about what you are going to say. Instead, listen to what they are really saying. If someone interrupts, have the courtesy to ask them to wait.

By not being attentive, we are missing out on the stories we will someday relate to future generations, hoping they will learn from us, just as we have learned from those whose stories came before.

If, that is, we can actually stop and listen to those stories.

Elisabeth Strillacci is former editor of the Salisbury Post.