By Whitey Harwood

‘With a Little Help From My Friends,’ I decided not to send out cards this year but to send out some songs instead.

The first song on the list goes out to all the freethinkers. It’s a “Wonderful, Wonderful” holiday song by Robert Earl Keen, “Merry Christmas From The Family.”

I thought the football fans and eggnog drinkers might enjoy it too. Say cheese!

The second song is for the bored people of RoCo. Just one song didn’t seem right for that bunch, so I broke them down.

For “The Three Bells”, their song goes both ways, country or bluegrass. If you like yours country, you can have a dose from the man they called The Voice, Vern Gosdin. If you prefer bluegrass, you can have Lester and Earl and the Foggy Mountain Boys. Either way you want it — “Dim Lights, Thick Smoke and Loud, Loud, Music.”

For the fourth bored, it was a little harder to choose the right song for him. I got to thinking, what would a song list be without one from the King?

So, I put all his hits in a great big hat got ’em “All Shook Up” and reached in (not out) and pulled out “Puppet on a String.”

To finish off the fifth is when I needed some help. So I called on some “Old Friends.” Together we called a great many of “his taxpayers” and wound up with a long list of songs.

After many hours “Behind Closed Doors” we settled on these two, “Wine Me Up” by Faron Young and “Drinking Wine Spo-Dee O-Dee” by Jerry Lee Lewis.

We didn’t want the other politicians to feel shunned, so while we were “Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree,” we picked out “White Christmas” for the Republicans and “Father Christmas” by The Kinks for the Democrats.

Before we have any more songs, let’s have a little news. One story from the Salisbury Post (Oct. 27) and one from People Magazine (Nov. 9).

The Salisbury Post — “Never Alone: Local Nonprofit is a Safe Haven for Domestic Violence Victims.” From that story to coincide with Domestic Violence Awareness Month, D’flowers organized a meeting and balloon release at the Rowan County Public Library in Salisbury.

After becoming aware of this story, me and my friend had a meeting. We started calling people with this question — How would you describe a balloon release using just one word? The first five answers we heard was all the same. Littering!

The sixth answer was also littering, but we had to throw his answer out. He used two words. I think he was a social worker.

All these folk had a college education. But the best answer came from someone that received their higher education from East Rowan High School. The Mustanger’s answer was “Stupid!”

Staying with the Salisbury Post, let’s go back to Monday, July 22, 2019, and read the Ask Us question and then, real slow, read the answer. Now we can send out a song to the Rowan County Sheriff’s Office. It’s another great song from The Voice, “Do You Believe Me Now?”

People Magazine — “Whale Calf Washes Up Dead on North Carolina Beach After Ingestion of Plastic Balloon.” A pentagonal plastic balloon was discovered in the whale’s stomach. It was “crumpled up and obstructing the passage” in her gastrointestinal tract and was determined to be the cause of death.

Are you starting to get the picture? Is it about ready to “Come Together” for you.

Community Grace seems to have the right string, but the wrong yo-yo. Here’s your song — “Right In The Wrong Direction,” also by Vern Gosdin.

Did you think about planting a tree? Or playing a song? Either one would be 1,000 times better for you, for them, and for me and Mother Earth. Please, “Think It Over.”

During that same meeting between me and my friend, we also talked about a lot of other news you can read in the Salisbury Post. “Neither One of Us” has ever beaten our wife or girlfriend to death in front of any children. Neither one of us has beaten a child to death in front of their mother. Neither one of us has ever performed a sex act on a dog or stood in the front yard and pulled our diaper off in front of a school bus full of little children. Never used a car or truck to run over someone. Never used a log to get into someone’s house and we damn sure ain’t never released a balloon for any reason.

But “Just Between The Two Of Us” we have watched hundreds of R-rated movies. So, how can someone so righteous in their beliefs be so naïve in their actions to allow something that should be illegal and is brutally more sinful than watching a movie to take place on such sacred ground?

Here’s your song Rowan Public Library — “If You’re Gonna Do Me Wrong” (Do It Right).

I picked out a song for myself by Bobby Bare, “Shame on Me.” Shame on me for not being able to suffer fools lightly.

Next year, I’m “Wishin’ and Hoping” that the people that should put the ban on balloon releases and lift the ban on movies finally do it.

In the meantime, keep listening to the music and “Keep on Smilin’.