By Elisabeth Strillaci

The days are getting longer again, even if the change is so incrementally small that it’s nearly unnoticeable, and I for one am grateful.

I, and many others I know, don’t do as well in the long dark days, and when we pass the winter solstice and the days begin to lengthen again, I am always relieved.

I like more light, not just in my days but in my life in general. I prefer to shine a light on everything, even when I know it might reveal something less than ideal. I’d always rather know, see, so I can meet something head on, than let it hide in darkness or shadow.

Having said all that, I am also intensely aware that much of our world not only lives but thrives in gray areas, and that has been what makes it all work in a lot of ways.

Because gray areas mean tolerance. Gray areas mean accepting we are not all exactly alike, and that’s OK.

We have been spending a lot of time these last few years fighting to make everyone around us see things exactly as we do. And I’m tired of it.

When did we lose sight of the fact that our differences, in what we like, what we eat, how we dress, how we worship, where we live, are what make our world so wonderful and fascinating?

I consciously work to keep politics out of my columns, and this one is no different, so I am hoping to express my thoughts without making anyone think I’m trying to convert to one side or another.

Whatever you believe is yours to choose and to stand by. I will respect that as long as I am alive. I don’t have to agree with you, and in truth, I’m OK if you or I find one another’s positions wrong or offensive.

Feeling that way still does not give me the right, or you for that matter, to come to blows over our differences. And it does not give me, or you, the right to force each other to live exactly as each of us thinks you should.

Of course there are laws that we both must abide by, laws that are designed to keep all of us from being hurt.

But laws are not the same as morals, which are far more subjective and are not binding the way laws are.

Do I think there are some laws still on the books that have proven to be unworthy or out of date? Of course, but there are procedures in place to change those, procedures that essentially amount to majority rule. That is how we accomplish change in this country, we put it to a vote. And if my particular opinion does not come out on top, I can either accept it or work to put it to another vote.

What I can’t do is grab a weapon and force you to do what I personally think is right. What I can’t do is create a law that everyone has to live by without a vote, without others having input into the change. What I can’t do is be the boss of everyone in the country without their consent.

No matter how much I personally dislike the person elected to be our president, and there have been some, I have always been able to find things in common, always looked for and found things they did that I could feel good about, and always been able to respect them as the leader of my country. But somehow I had a moment in recent history when I lost that. However, I’ve not given up trying. I’m still searching for that common ground.

I believe Winston Churchill was right when he said, “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is always what it takes to sit down and listen.”

I realize that we are a fractured country right now, and instead of having the courage to sit down and listen, we are standing on either side of a line of demarcation and screaming at each other, and no one is listening.

No one is seeing the gray areas, only the black and white.

It’s well past time to sit and listen, but it’s also well past time for those talking to stop and consider the questions and their answers and not just spit out talking points or tag lines. It’s time for all of us to think before we speak, and then to listen when someone answers.

I promise you this: if you want to have a conversation, I will not spend my time when you are talking preparing my reply. I will not dismiss what you say out of hand. I will give you my time and my attention, I will ask questions if I don’t understand, and I will respect that you do not have to agree with me.

Can you do the same?

Elisabeth Strillacci is former editor of the Salisbury Post.