By Susan Shinn Turner
For the Salisbury Post

Mother. Grandmother. Great-grandmother. Friend. Employee.

Frances Mills Heglar loved all those roles, but truth be told, she most relished being married to her husband, Don.

The two were married 60 years before his death on Dec. 5, 2022. In the past year, Frances was learning to make her way in the world alone — and doing a good job of it.

She continued to go to church at St. Mark’s Lutheran Church in China Grove. She’d returned to work at Patterson Farm, where she and Don had worked since she retired from Cannon Mills in 2000. She still cooked Sunday dinner for her large brood.

The family celebrated Christmas Day and Frances was fine. After that, however, she became gravely ill. Family members found her on the floor of her Kannapolis home Jan. 2. She stayed in the hospital until Wednesday afternoon, when she was transported to Tucker Hospice House. She died on Thursday at 2:45 p.m., surrounded by her precious daughters, Tammy, Donna and Debbie. Even though they’re all married with families of their own, they still refer to themselves as “the Heglar girls.”

Family and friends remember Frances as a down-to-earth person, a person who never raised her voice, a person who was a peacemaker.

“Frances and Don were the dearest people,” Linda Overcash, who sat near them in church for many years, said Thursday evening. “She was a caregiver to Don for many years, and was learning to get along by herself.”

Linda, a retired nurse, knew Frances didn’t want extraordinary measures to extend her life. That still didn’t make it easier to let her friend go.

“The blessing in all of this is that we were blessed to know Don and Frances. They were people who made footprints in your heart.”

Michelle Patterson, who has the enviable title of director of fun at her family’s farm, oversees the market as part of her duties.

“Don and Frances are part of that group of the finest people that we are losing,” she said Thursday evening. “My heart breaks for their family.”

Michelle said that Frances still had every Patterson Farm T-shirt she ever wore to work, and wore her original employee badge. Like Frances and Don, Michelle and husband Doug have three girls that include a set of twins.

Frances served as greeter and cashier, while Don worked over at the pick-your-own field or helped park cars.

“We were so sad to lose Don,” Michelle said. “We felt so blessed to have Frances come back to work with us this past year.”

Frances was the perfect greeter, Michelle said. “A lot of times, she was the first face people saw.”

Frances visited the farm in November to pick out poinsettias for church in memory of Don.

“The world is not going to be the same without them,” Michelle said.

Together, Don and Frances had three daughters, seven grandchildren and 10 great-grandchildren.

Macy Overcash, Donna Walls’ daughter, is one of the granddaughters. On Friday, included a tribute to Frances on her Facebook page.

“She was indeed the calmest being I have ever come across,” her post read in part. “Meme always looked for the bright side in every situation. Even when there was clearly no bright side, she would still show you one.

“Meme was kind, giving, and gracious. She was there to help and support every one of her daughters and all of her grandkids and great-grandkids.”

Jessika Helms, Debbie’s daughter, is another granddaughter.

“There are many things I will miss,” Jessika said Thursday evening. “Her ability to cook food for 15-20 people every Sunday afternoon for lunch and enjoy every minute of it. Everything will feel empty without her presence at every family function. The way she mispronounced words frequently and always allowed me to pick with her about it. Most of all, I will miss the way she could find the positive in almost every situation. No matter how big the mountain, she knew the best way up or around it.”

For at least 45 years, the entire family has enjoyed a fall weekend at Lutheridge in Arden. They started going as part of a church retreat, then continued on their own. They go each Veterans Day weekend.

“I can’t remember when we didn’t go,” Tammy Gentle said Friday morning.

First staying in one large cabin, the expanded group of 24 eventually took up several cabins.

As a matter of fact, Tammy said, their mother had already reserved the accommodations for 2024. The family will stay an extra night since Veterans Day falls on Monday this year.

“I was with her when she called,” Donna said Friday morning. “Oddly, she said, ‘I might not be here, but you all can still go.’ She wanted us to carry on the tradition.”

Frances never missed a family birthday, Debbie Efird said.

“She had a sturdy tablecloth she bought while she and Daddy were in Germany,” Donna said. “One side is Christmas and the other side is birthday. It’s durable.”

Donna, who’s five minutes older than Debbie, said her mother put out the cloth whether or not the honoree was there.

Frances was a fabulous cook, Donna said, known for her persimmon pudding, fried apple pies, stew beef and tomato noodles.

“She had a knack for cooking,” she said.

Frances and Don attended all of their grandchildren’s ballgames and any other activities.

“They were so interested in their grandchildren’s lives,” Tammy said.

Amanda Williams is Tammy’s daughter, and Frances followed her journey on the Appalachian Trail, marking her map carefully and reading Amanda’s posts on Facebook.

“She grieved Daddy’s absence,” Tammy said, “but she was determined to get out and do.”

Frances went to the beach in October with Tammy to help grandson Justin Wyatt’s family pass out popcorn for trick-or-treat.

In November, she and Donna went to Patterson Farm and spent an hour looking for just the right poinsettias to place on the altar for Christmas in memory of Don. She ended up choosing the poinsettia rose variety.

“She made lots of sacrifices for us,” Tammy recalled. “She didn’t work until we got to high school. She bought a set of Christmas dishes with her first paycheck from Cannon Mills.

Tammy asked her mother once why in the world she bought the china since she never used it.

“Because I could!” was the answer.

“We had the best mom and dad,” Donna said. “God gave us what we needed. She set a legacy of giving and loving.”

The girls remember only one time that her mother got angry. They were all up at Lutheridge riding around in their family van, trying to find the grocery store. This was before the days of GPS. Frances happened to be driving, and she had about 10 “backseat drivers,” telling her to go 10 different directions.

Finally, she pulled into a parking lot, parked the van, turned off the ignition and got out.

“Y’all decide where you want to go,” she said. “I’m walking back to Lutheridge.”

Never mind the family was about six miles from camp.

“I can see Momma walking up through there,” Debbie said. “She was as mad as a hornet.”

“Momma didn’t drive a lot, and she got so aggravated,” Donna added. “She stopped that thing and got out. We were flabbergasted and then we got tickled.”

Frances eventually got back in the van.

Freelance writer Susan Shinn Turner lives in Raleigh. She has known the Heglars her whole life.