How do we deal with strangers that may get a little too close for comfort these days?

We live beside an alley that connects our street to the street behind us. It’s not a street, and the town doesn’t maintain it. Our garage is off of that alley as is our back neighbors’. The only cars we see, most of the time, are ours, our neighbors’ or people we know are friends. It’s not used as a cut through because the two streets it connects are low-traffic side streets.

But we see a lot of folks in the alley walking, either for exercise or with their dogs or even just strolling with friends, and it never bothers us. No one’s really paying attention to our house or being too inquisitive. We just know that’s part of small town life and don’t worry much about it.

But. There are other times when the presence of a stranger feels much more intrusive. When we had a car pull up and park outside of our house for about half an hour one afternoon, we tried to ignore it for a bit. Eventually my husband went out to see if they needed help. Maybe they were having car trouble or maybe they were lost. They were working on their cell phone, but not talking on it. But before he could get to the car, the driver looked up, saw him and immediately drove away.

We have no idea if he was just embarrassed, realizing he’d been sitting in front of someone’s house for a while, or if there was more to it and he did not want to give us a chance to get close.

Several years ago I was by myself, with the dogs, in our house and I heard a car drive by in the alley. I glanced out and it was not a neighbor’s car, but I thought maybe someone had been visiting. About 15 minutes later, the same car drove by, a little slower. Ten minutes later it came around again, and this time, it stopped at the end of the alley by our house. And this time, the dogs alerted. They were concerned.

I called the routine police number and asked if they could just send an officer to drive by. Explained I was home alone and this was the car’s third go-round and he was now stopped. I’m not one to sound an alarm quickly. I want to believe most things are easily explained, and I don’t scare easily. But when my dogs bark in the middle of the night (it was about 11:30 p.m.) it raises the concern level.

The officer came down the alley behind the car, and the driver took one look at the cruiser and raced off. The officer stopped and checked in with me and said if the car came back, to call 911. Fortunately, I didn’t see him again.

A few weeks, ago, a man I didn’t recognize was walking laps around our block and the next, and he was on the phone and he was clearly upset. He was shouting into the phone and at one point, he was in tears. I wasn’t afraid of him, I was afraid for him. I stepped out onto the porch and waited until he passed again. I moved into his line of sight, and gave him a questioning look. I pointed at him and gave the OK sign with my hand. He stopped a minute, then nodded and gave me the thumbs up.

I did want him to know I had seen him, and that if he needed assistance, I was available, but I also wanted him to be aware that his behavior was getting attention and not everyone is as low key. I had already gotten two texts from neighbors about him. I have seen him twice since then, in much better spirits, and he always smiles and waves. And since then I’ve figured out he’s a new resident at the end of the next block. We’ve become friendly.

This morning, our son messaged us and asked if we knew who the man was standing in his side yard, between our houses, taking photos of his house.

None of us did, and the house is a rental, so the landlord could have sent someone out for something. But he usually gets a notification of someone is coming, so he doesn’t worry. He’d heard nothing, so I’m still waiting to hear if this was someone they knew was coming, or if we need to explore further.

When I was younger, in small towns especially, we knew each other. We knew our neighbors, whose car belonged in our ‘hood and which ones stood out. We talked to each other, watched out for each other, and were not so afraid to approach someone we didn’t know because in general we didn’t think anyone was out to harm us.

The world has changed over the years, and while we do still know our neighbors, there is more fear among us all, and there is hesitation to talk to someone we don’t know. I’m still inclined to approach a stranger on my turf, still inclined to see if they need help or what they are up to. But not everyone is, and I even have neighbors that scold me for being so brazen.

I’ve been told “You don’t know what they’re up to,” “You don’t know who they are!” and even “What if you get shot?”

Nothing bad has ever happened. The worst anyone does is drive or walk away, and most will stop and fill me in on what they are up to.

But I know for others, there is the hesitation, the fear. And sometimes, that fear has caused homeowners to do things like shoot first and ask questions later.

I don’t want to go there. I hope I will always be willing, whether you call it bravery or stupidity, to approach a person and just talk. Just ask what’s up. I might be concerned if you are inside my comfort zone or my personal space, but I am doing my best to keep assuming the best.

Mom used to tell me that I never met a stranger, just a friend I hadn’t made yet. I hope that stays true, even for the guy taking photos of the house. Maybe he just likes old houses. What do you think?

Elisabeth Strillacci covers crime, courts, Spencer, East Spencer and Kannapolis for the Salisbury Post.