By Renee Coates Scheidt

Although the people of Planet Earth are as different and varied as the colors of the rainbow, there is one common denominator we all share. It’s a subject most people try to ignore. Yet, at some point, it will be addressed. Perhaps the Holy Scripture says it best, “It is appointed unto men once to die and after this, the judgment (Hebrews 9:27). Death will not be cheated. Every person will keep their appointment with death.

We learn early on that death is a part of life. We accept that our loved ones will grow old and expect their aged bodies to die. This does not remove the loss and pain we feel, but it is understood as the normal reality of life. More difficult to accept is the death of babies and young people, or lives cut short by senseless tragedy. To see these lives taken away before they began brings hardships a “normal death” doesn’t.

But of all the different ways death intrudes into every family, there is a form of death that supersedes all others in the degree of suffering thrust upon those remaining: Suicide. This is the cruelest form of death, leaving behind a trail of destruction some families never overcome. The unanswered questions, the guilt and even anger can destroy loved ones still breathing if not dealt with appropriately. The taboo of suicide causes some families to keep it a secret. The stigma and lack of compassion from ignorant people are more than they can bear. Hiding the truth as they suffer in silence, is preferable to the ridicule they might face from the uneducated.

Because of the need to educate the public, September has been designated as “Suicide Prevention” month, a time to raise awareness of this crisis and learn to help those who no longer want to live. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) has developed resources to assist those dealing with suicidal thoughts, as well as giving support to “survivors of suicide,” those left to pick up the pieces after this horrific deed has impacted their lives. 

The number of suicides continues to increase. Contrary to what some may think, suicide is not limited to a specific gender, race or age. It affects all socio-economic groups. Rich poor, young, old, Black, white, educated or illiterate — it doesn’t matter. When a person’s mental health starts to deteriorate, all other factors are insignificant.

This is not a subject I’ve just read about or studied. It is a subject I was forced to face and choose how I would respond. At age 33, my handsome, intelligent, well-educated and witty husband, who had everything to live for, ended his life with a shotgun wound to the head. I was left to carry on with a little girl who turned 3 the day after her daddy died, and a four-month-old baby. The worst possible event I could imagine happening to anyone had just happened to me.

In the days and years that followed, I learned that the brain, the most complex organ of the entire body, can malfunction, just as any other organ. I learned of chemical imbalances produced when neurotransmitters fail to transmit, causing a breakdown in the body’s mental systems. I was unaware that mental health was much more complicated than simply “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps.”

This week marks the 37th year since we lost Chuck. People ask, “How long did it take for you to get over it?” as if going through such horror can ever be eradicated from your life. It’s not something you ever completely “get over,” but something incorporated into your life tapestry, which can lead to depths of wisdom and strength unknown to those never forced to experience life’s darker hues.

It is a sign of strength, not weakness, to seek help if struggling with suicidal ideations. You are not alone. Hope and healing are available. Let us as a community learn and grow to assist those fighting mental health battles, walking with them through this dark night of their soul. The night doesn’t last forever. I know. The sun will shine again. Working together, we can make a change to defeat this cruelest of deaths.

Renee C. Scheidt lives in Salisbury.