By Nan Lund

Dear Neighbor,

It has been almost a year since we began the “Dear Neighbor” column that appears each Thursday in the Salisbury Post. In the first column (Oct. 1, 2023), I introduced you to my goldendoodle Reuben who had just turned one year old. I related that travels with Reuben around the neighborhood and community had taught me most people (and dogs) are friendly and kind, despite the different political, religious and ethnic differences we may have. This year, our excursions have continued and friendships have deepened. It’s made me aware that everyone has a story if you take the time to hear it.

I have a neighbor who was among a handful of scientists who were nominated for an award from the Smithsonian for his work developing a system of analyzing and reporting data that has been used in many fields, including medical, pharmaceutical and cosmetics. He proudly showed me the medal he was awarded and we had a long talk about careers and moves across the country. Another neighbor who is a contemporary of mine (read really old!) started dance lessons when she was 3 years old, and now visits her former teacher who lives in our same complex. A conversation recently with a neighbor revealed that we both had grandmothers who emigrated from Canada. Each of these conversations helped us to know each other better and I think makes us feel a part of a community that values each member.

Everyone has a story about traveling, dogs, kids, cooking, grandparents, grandchildren, hobbies, careers, weddings, sports or something else of interest. Some of these stories are about mishaps that have become funny, some are sad about losses, some reveal strengths and others fallibilities but they all reveal a side of the teller that is probably not obvious. Why would they want to share these personal stories? I think it is a way of connecting and human connection is satisfying. It also develops trust. If I tell you a tale of a stupid thing I did, I trust that you will not think that I am stupid. If I tell you about an accomplishment I had, I trust that you will not think me a braggart. If I tell you about a difficulty I am having, I trust that you will not feel that I am expecting you to fix it.

There has been much written about the loneliness epidemic we seem to be experiencing. It may have started in the pandemic when we all hunkered down in our dens. Or it may be a malady that has developed along with social media or cell phones.

Telling and listening to stories can be an antidote for loneliness or that feeling that no one cares about you.

How do we get others to tell us their stories? Of course, you always have to be respectful if someone doesn’t want to converse with you, but I find a simple comment about their yard, their dog, their clothes, their activity with a bit of your related story, or a question like “how long have you lived here” or “have you been here before?” can often begin an exchange that can lead to a story, or at least open a door to the next conversation.

Part of my story is that I am a classic introvert. Fortunately, Reuben is an extrovert and his exuberance and others’ reactions to him make it easier for me to stop and talk. I’m hoping that this helps others realize that no one is only one thing; not only Republican, Democrat, Christian, Muslim, atheist, white, Black, Hispanic, gay or straight but a member of a community and a country of shared interests and values. And everyone has an interesting story to share.

“Dear Neighbor” authors are united in a belief that civility and passion can coexist. We believe curiosity and conversation make us a better community.