By Andria Shores Porter

Dear Neighbor,

My daughter was diagnosed with autism at age five. When people see her now or hear her story, they often assume that she was only mildly autistic. That was not the case at all.  She was combative and aggressive to other children, often hitting them and pushing them away from her. She had frequent tantrums. She was frightened by vacuum cleaners and lawn mowers.  She could not tolerate certain types of clothing. She could speak words, yet she had assigned her own meaning to the words and because of this often what she said did not make sense. 

Things began to change for her at age six. It was around the beginning of the school year and I began to notice that she had an obsession with dance. She loved to watch people dance on TV and she would try and dance to any music that she happened to hear. I thought about trying to enroll her in dance lessons. I was afraid that she would not be able to follow instructions or that she would hit or shove other children who came near her. In spite of my reservations, I began calling dance studios to inquire. I felt that it was necessary to explain Alaina’s autism to the teacher before enrolling her. It was the third dance studio that finally told me to bring her in. 

The dance teacher asked me to bring her a few minutes early each day, so that Alaina could become acclimated to the studio. The teacher would speak quietly to her, just for about five minutes before letting the other students in. Five minutes was all that was needed to completely change the outcome. Five minutes was all that was needed to make Alaina successful in dance, rather than a complete failure. Five minutes put Alaina on a journey which would open up a whole new world for her. Five minutes. Five minutes from one teacher. Five minutes from a person that I cannot even remember her name in order to thank her. 

The studio closed after that first year and I had to move Alaina to another. Yet, because of this period of adjustment, those five minutes, she was able to adjust quickly to a new setting. She was fine with the change, because she was comfortable with the dance. The space, the teacher, the other dancers — were all irrelevant because she was caught up in the dance. At age 12, Alaina became apprenticed to a professional ballet company and danced with them for five years. She graduated from Catawba College in 2020 with a degree in sociology and a minor in dance. She now works as a registered behavior technician with autistic children. I credit much of her success to those five minutes because dance helped her cope with a world that did not make any sense to her. It gave her discipline and a means to process emotions that overwhelmed her when she could not give them voice. 

Educators in every area of our lives do things for our children and produce incredible outcomes that they rarely get to see. They are so very important and our culture rarely makes life easy for them nor do they get the resources and support they need. They have to fight for every five minutes of individual attention that our children need. I want to thank that dance teacher and every other person in her journey that took the time to learn more about Alaina, instead of writing her off as disabled and unteachable. There were so many people in our lives who gave her five minutes and it has made all the difference. 

“Dear Neighbor” authors are united in a belief that civility and passion can coexist. We believe curiosity and conversation make us a better community.