We’ll soon go to the polls and cast our vote for President of the United States.

I won’t bore you with a discussion of the merits, or lack thereof, displayed by the candidates. You’ve probably already made up your mind, and there’s little anyone can do to change it at this point.

I’d rather use my space here to discuss more pleasant pursuits, like having a colonoscopy.

Come to think of it, colonoscopies are similar to elections in one sense. The actual event is over very quickly and painlessly. It’s the prep that causes the most angst.

I think it’s a good year to remind ourselves that many Presidents throughout history had their quirks. The candidates we have before us today hardly hold a monopoly on oddities, though one can appreciate how hard they have tried.

So, with that in mind, I present “Odd Presidential History.”

Our nation’s first President, George Washington, was also a distributor of fine liquor, and manufactured some of the best apple and peach brandy in Mount Vernon. He also churned out a little rye whiskey on occasion.

What you’ve heard about John Quincy Adams skinny dipping in the Potomac River each morning is true, though few Americans are brave enough to try it today. I certainly won’t — again.

Andrew Jackson fought in as many as 100 duels, mostly defending the honor of his wife. After about 50, I would have started wondering why I was spending so much time defending her honor, and would probably have hired a private detective.

Political opponents of William Henry Harrison cast him as an old fogey who would rather sit in a log cabin drinking hard cider than run the country. Come to think of it, so would I.

Franklin Pierce was arrested for running over a woman with his horse. The charges were later dropped. Not enough evidence for prosecution.

Abraham Lincoln was quite the wrestler in his youth. He even made it to the Wrestling Hall of Fame, as sort of the Ric Flair of his era. “Wooooooo!”

Andrew Johnson apprenticed as a tailor in his youth. Even as President, he continued to make his own suits, a fact that is quite apparent upon examination of some Presidential photos of the day. Frankly, they reveal that he wasn’t a very good one.

Ulysses Grant smoked at least 20 cigars a day. He died in 1885 of, you guessed it, throat cancer.

Benjamin Harrison was the first President to enjoy the benefits of electricity in the White House. Unfortunately, Ben was so afraid of being electrocuted, he refused to touch the switches.

Those rumors you heard about William Howard Taft getting stuck in a White House bathtub and having to be freed by his staff are true, according to one member of that staff who witnessed and later wrote about the uncomfortable moment.

Herbert Hoover’s son had a couple of pet alligators that were allowed to roam the White House grounds on occasion.

Calvin Coolidge loved to hide in the bushes at the White House, springing out to scare his staff. That officially makes him my favorite President.

I’ve just checked one of the one hundred thousand dollar bills in my wallet, and sure enough, Woodrow Wilson’s picture is on it. By the way, can anyone give me change?

And yes, Gerald Ford did indeed work as a fashion model at one time, appearing on the cover of Cosmopolitan Magazine.

Jimmy Carter filed a report of a UFO sighting in 1973, calling it “the darndest thing he ever saw.”

And Ronald Reagan once posed nearly nude for some sculpting students after winning the Most Nearly Perfect Male Figure award at the University of California.

So if you think you’ve heard it all this election year, trust me – the rest is in the history books.

Kent Bernhardt lives in Salisbury.