Every time I read the Salisbury Post, I am so thankful for the readers that understand politics and religion. On one hand they can solve all the world’s problems, but “On the Other Hand” (Randy Travis) they can’t comprehend the danger of using plastic straws, taking plastic bags or releasing balloons.

I listen to and understand hardcore country music. So, I’ve put together a list of some classic country songs for the Post newsmakers.

No. 1. “You Asked Me To” (Waylon Jennings) and No. 2. “I Saw the Light” (Hank Williams) for Rep. Harry Warren and his bipartisan revelation. Did your daughter mention balloons?

No. 3. “Hello Walls” (Faron Young) for the Republicans.

No. 4. “Don’t” (Elvis) for the Democrats. How about balloons?

No. 5. “Here in the Real World” (Alan Jackson) and No. 6. “This Ain’t Dallas” (Hank Williams Jr.) for Judy Klusman and Greg Edds. Have any “folks” told you two that releasing balloons is littering?

No. 7. “Holding On To Nothin’” (Porter Wagoner and Dolly Parton) for the town of Landis. They can listen to this one while sitting around in their mess, smelling their own cooking. Well, at least they’re not holding on to balloons and letting one go.

No. 8. “Statue of a Fool” (Jack Greene) for the past “bored,” the present “bored” and all the “hot air” Christians. Now, “It’s Time to Pay the Fiddler” (Cal Smith).

No. 9. “You Wouldn’t Put the Shuck on Me” (The Geezinslaw Brothers) for Bill Godair and his purchased T-shirts and billboards. You’re not gonna buy any balloons, are you?

I saved the best one for last. It was a great “big” hit for “Little” Jimmy Dickens, and I want to dedicate it to Elaine Howle, of the Rowan County Veterans Service Office for her nonsense, “May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose!”

— Whitey Harwood

Rowan County