Dec. 8 would have been my dad’s 87^th birthday.

I can’t believe that it’s been about 20 months since he has passed. It’s already been over 6 years that my mom passed, and almost 3 years since my best friend Melissa died. It’s the circle of life isn’t it? It will continue whether we like it or not.

I truly try to embrace life and make the best of it. A very dear friend, and many people I know well, are starting this holiday season without their loved ones. Now, in my personal experience, the first year was the hardest for me. All the “firsts” made me miss them tremendously. True, there are still times I get very sad because I can’t pick up the phone, or Skype, to talk to my parents or go on an adventure with my friend Melissa. And each time flying home it is still weird walking by my parents’ old house and someone else is living there. If you can, try to surround yourself with a great support system. There are also groups out there who meet on a regular basis to support and help each other through difficult times. How about grief counseling? One thing you do not want to do is go through it all alone. I know my heart fills up when I am helping and working with people. That’s very easy to do at the YMCA. Our mission is to put Christian principles into action through programs which build healthy spirit, mind and body for all. When you redirect your pain into helping, volunteering, and yes, exercising, it seems to soften the pain that has entered your heart.

There is a Dutch song with lyrics that say when you grieve deeply, that means you have loved deeply.

I am leaving you with a poem by Linda Ellis:

The Dash

I read of a man who stood to speak at a funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning… to the end.

He noted that first came the date of birth and spoke of the following date with tears, but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time they spent alive on earth and now only those who loved them know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own, the cars… the house… the cash. What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard; are there things you’d like to change? For you never know how much time is left that still can be rearranged.

To be less quick to anger and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile… remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.

So when your eulogy is being read, with your life’s actions to rehash, would you be proud of the things they say about how you lived your dash?

Ester H. Marsh is director of healthy living at the J.F. Hurley Family YMCA.