By Elisabeth Strillacci

Throughout life, by the time each of us has reached adulthood, I know every one of us has broken at least one rule. It may be a small one and it may have been unintentional, but we have all done it.

Sometimes we can justify it with thoughts like “well it’s an illogical rule that no longer applies,” or “no one else is here and no one will be hurt by it.”

But that kind of reasoning is leading us in a sad direction.

In the last year, I’ve begun to notice more and more rule breaking, and less and less consideration, and we are not well served by it.

In my neighborhood, parking is not allowed on one side of particular streets, because the road is too narrow for parking on both sides. Two traveling cars cannot then pass. But people are still parking where they wish, and it’s impeding traffic flow.

There are older houses that have smaller driveways. They will hold two cars, but now that every teenager has a car of their own, they park their cars on the street as well.

But in order to keep from getting in the way of traffic, they park half on the sidewalk and so walkers, runners, pedestrians, are often forced to move into the street against oncoming cars to pass by.

Stop signs are now apparently negotiable — if you see you will reach it first, or if there are no other cars, you don’t actually have to stop. You can just roll on through. After all, it’s clear you have the right of way. And the pedestrian waiting to cross? Well they are on foot and just out for a walk, and you are in a hurry, so they can wait.

Car manufacturers might as well give up on adding the turn signal to cars, no one ever uses them. Apparently, we are all now so enlightened that we can read the minds of other drivers and know exactly where they are going. And if we cannot, then we deserve the one fingered salute the other drivers give us when they turn in front of us and we blow our horns.

Merging has a new definition — it means you can jump right on in to traffic whatever your speed or position and everyone else will either slam on brakes or squeeze into next lane of  traffic to avoid an accident. Yield is something everyone else has to do for you.

There are other things that are not rules, but common courtesy that we have gotten away from as well. Holding the door for someone entering a building or room at the same time as you — gone. If you get there first, in you go, others can fend for themselves.

If you are waiting in line at the deli or the bakery and the person in front of you is not quick on their feet, too bad, you’ll take their spot when the person behind the counter asks “who’s next?” Hey, you snooze, you lose, right?

When you bump into someone in the grocery store, the new norm is to glare at them for getting in your way. The phrase “excuse me” is no longer the right response. And if someone needs to pass your cart and says “excuse me” in order to get around you, the new reaction is to give them a dirty look as you move your buggy a hair of an inch to the side.

And it’s not just personal behavior that has changed. Collection companies now have loopholes and can end up calling your boss’ cell phone number and telling them you have a debt that needs paying. Spam advertising calls can call and text you day and night in the effort to get your business or drive you so crazy that you buy something to shut them up.

We certainly can shoot first and ask questions later in our own self defense, and physical violence is now an appropriate way to deal with an argument, however small. After all, we need to appear strong, not weak and the idea of walking away from a fight is just unacceptable. We must be the winner at any cost.

I am so weary of the way we are treating each other, and by extension, the permission we then give others to treat us just as badly. For if we are so cold, thoughtless and cruel to others, we cannot but reap the same in return.

I’m far from perfect. I have times when I get frustrated and speak up, times when I am impatient and annoyed. But I am still determined to try to be kind when there is a choice, and there is almost always a choice.

I do not look at rules or laws as the government trying to control me. I look at them as guidelines designed to keep us safe, and to help us be the best of ourselves. We are not perfect creatures and we all need structure to keep us on track. None of us are so much better than others that we should believe rules do not apply. In the end, they always do.

Elisabeth Strillacci is former editor of the Salisbury Post.