By Nan Lund

Dear Neighbor,

The recent statement by a candidate for vice president that the country is in bad shape because it is run by childless cat ladies, “who are miserable at their own lives and the choices they’ve made so they want the rest of the country to be miserable, too,” has gained much recent attention. This would be funny if it didn’t imply a lot about his view of women who have never borne children. It made me think about the many friends I have had over the years who fit in that category, for a variety of reasons.

Some of these women, both married and single, have made a choice to remain childless. Some have chosen to adopt one or more children. Some remain childless due to conditions that make it impossible to have a successful pregnancy.

This candidate expressed his disdain for these women for not caring about children and families due to their selfishness. He doesn’t know my friends. First, the adoptive parents. Who would argue that they don’t love their children? Anyone who takes on an adoption will tell you how this child has been a gift and how their lives have expanded to include participation in venues and activities to nurture the child, such as schools, sports and camps. They value and support these things, which benefits the whole community. Are step-parents likewise assumed to not be loving parents?

My friends who are childless by choice or necessity are not sitting home with their cats and feeling miserable and ignoring the needs of others. A colleague of mine has specialized in working with children with various conditions that limit their ability to communicate and interact with others. She provides support for parents and schools and is a much sought-after consultant and author. Her life is about children and creating environments that support them. Another friend works with children and adolescents in a residential clinical setting that provides them with help gaining the social skills and psychological strength to return to the community. These are not easy children to work with and it takes understanding and patience that few of us have. Likewise, a friend works in an alternative school with multiple handicapped children, bringing them experiences and opportunities that they have been denied for years. Of course, the school is underfunded and the teachers provide not only love and caring but the material goods that a classroom needs. Selfish? I don’t think so.

I could go on and mention friends who are advocates for children, volunteering in schools, working with ad litem or serving as foster parents. My point is that these are not saints, but rather folks who care deeply about children and feel it is important, even necessary to do what they can to improve life for children.

My children and grandchild are all grown. My animals are my most constant companions and I am far from miserable. So I guess I do not qualify as a miserable childless cat lady, but I take offense at this depiction of a part of the population he obviously knows little about. I have to ask why this candidate has chosen this demographic to demonize. I suspect it has more to do with fear that women have too much autonomy and too much influence. He ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

“Dear Neighbor” authors are united in a belief that civility and passion can coexist. We believe curiosity and conversation make us a better community.