Domestic Violence Awareness takes center stage Saturday
Published 12:05 am Tuesday, October 22, 2024
1 of 3
Participating in the Domestic Violence Awareness Day at Bell Tower Green were Salisbury Police Chief Patrick "PJ" Smith, Dr. Alberta McLaughlin, the police department's dedicated Victim/Witness Advocate, Kimberly Fowler, who not only works at the Family Crisis Council but is a survivor, Angel Chapman-McDavid, Executive Director of the Family Crisis Council, and Salisbury Mayor Pro Tem Tamara Sheffield. Photo by Elisabeth Strillacci
Dr. Alberta McLaughlin, the Salisbury Police Department's dedicated Victim/Witness Advocate, and Angel Chapman-McDavid, Executive Director of the Family Crisis Council speak to the crowd gathered at Bell Tower Green Saturday morning honoring Domestic Violence Awareness month. Photo by Elisabeth Strillacci
Jasmine Pinn has been with the Family Crisis Council for four months, working with both sexual assault victims and on sexual trafficking, which she notes "is happening here." She said she is aware that Domestic Violence shares October with Breast Cancer awareness but she is hoping to see more wearing purple as much as pink. Photo by Elisabeth Strillacci
SALISBURY — It takes, on average, seven assaults before a victim of domestic violence seeks help, and sometimes they don’t get that far. That sobering fact was the point of Saturday’s Domestic Violence Awareness Day at Bell Tower Green.
The Salisbury Police Department’s Victim Advocacy Division, led by Dr. Roberta McLaughlin, and the Family Crisis Council of Rowan, Inc., under the leadership of director Angel Chapman-McDaniel, came together to shed light on a subject many shy away from.
Awareness is the first step,” said Mayor Pro Tem Tamara Sheffield. “This is a very silent thing in our society, and that’s why we are gathering today.” Sheffield read a proclamation declaring October Domestic Violence Awareness month from Mayor Karen Alexander, calling on the community to support victims and not remain silent.
“More than three woman are murdered by their partner every day,” said Sheffield. “And we know that children that grow up in violent homes are far more likely to be abused or victims of violence. We need to stop the cycle.”
Smith said his department is data driven, and “we look at all crime across the U.S. But we can’t look at ones that have not been reported, and we don’t know how many there are. Domestic violence is one of the most hidden, hardest to track of crimes. It’s the one that slips away.”
He described an incident in his department before there was a victim’s advocate.
“We keep track of repeat offenders, and a few years ago, a name popped up on the list. This was a man who repeatedly abused his spouse, but when it came time to go to court, she felt like she had nowhere else to turn, so she went back to him and the case was not prosecuted.” And then McLaughlin came aboard, “and she was able to go to this victim, be with her, walk her through the court process, and now he is where he needs to be.”
Smith said in his department he believes in the phrase “it’s OK to not be OK.” But he also believes “it’s OK to say something. And if you see something, and the person cannot speak up, you say something to somebody. Our job as police is to look into things, so you tell us and we’ll investigate.”
Chapman-McDaniel thanked everyone attending for recognizing the effort at awareness and participating in a short walk around the park.
“We walk today for survivors who have escaped, those who have not yet escaped, and those who unfortunately did not escape,” she said. Her organization provides comprehensive services for domestic violence, sexual assault and human trafficking, she noted. “We meet our clients where they are, and work together to create a safer, more compassionate community.”
She turned the event over to Kimberly Fowler, who works for the Family Crisis Council but who does so from a personal perspective, because she is a survivor.
Nervous, but ready to share her story, Fowler said she was very young and naive when she met and got involved with her eventual abuser. She said from the start, she had never had a boyfriend, and had grown up in a home with violence, so she “thought maybe this is just what love is” when he began to slap her around.
Eventually, it turned to beating. One day, her mother arrived, saw her black eye and took her home, but she went back, and that began a time of several back and forths. She would leave, then he would convince her to come back. During that period, she had children with him, and that made it even harder to leave.
She finally reached a breaking point and ended it. “My body had taken too many blows.”
But he wasn’t letting go. When he found out there was someone else, he came to her job where she worked overnight at a hotel and ended up stabbing her, first with a knife in her hand, then with an ice pick more than 30 times.
“I remember being on the floor screaming out for God to help me, not knowing the whole time he was stabbing me with an ice pick. I ended up with 32 wounds in my back, my head they couldn’t count because of my hair. He knocked my front tooth out.”
She managed to get to a phone and call for help, though she still doesn’t know how she got across to the other side of the entrance to unlock the door. She does remember “when the first officer got there and saw me covered in blood, I remember he jumped over the counter to get to me to help.” After calling police, she called her new beau, who is now her husband, to let him know she had been stabbed, and her mother, who came to the scene and insisted on riding in the back of the ambulance “because she needed to see me, to touch me to make sure I was OK.”
At the hospital, she said they told her both of her lungs had collapsed.
“That doctor at Novant, which was Rowan Regional then, said he was getting ready to put chest tubes in, and it was going to hurt. He told me to hold his hand, squeeze as hard as you need to, and we’re going to get through this. And that’s what we did.” She said she blacked out during the procedure and when she woke, she was in ICU.
During the time she was out, she felt like she was in a tunnel. She could hear her children crying, but saw her aunt, whom she had lost previously, beckoning to her. But she chose to turn back toward her children. She said she had to learn to walk all over again. The day she was released, her abuser showed up and they locked down the hospital.
“I thank God. I am here for a reason. I have a purpose. This job is not just a job for me. I get up every day and I deal with ladies who have been through exactly what I’ve been through. I don’t look like what I’ve been through.”
She said she went to court and at the time didn’t know about family crisis but then officer Brian Stallings, who is now the deputy police chief, was there for her and her children every step along the way. She did go to court alone, and had to testify about what had happened, and it was a challenge.
“That’s why it’s great we have the advocacy program, to make sure these victims know all about court, how it works and to be beside them. The day we went to court, I don’t know who the lady was but there was a lady in the courtroom and I fixed my eyes on her, she was my comfort.”
Her abuser pled to a lesser charge, got probation, but violated it. But, the day she went back to work at the hotel, he called her and tried to say he was sorry. She left that job.
And in the ensuing years, her life has become one of real love and understanding that she never deserved to be beaten. But she also understands that her abuser engaged in classic tactics like isolation and convincing her that no one would ever be interested in her because she had three children and “the downgrading.” She said she has learned so much, things that she wishes she didn’t need to know, but since she does, she believes in sharing her knowledge and her strength with other women.
And she applauds the connections between the police department, the Family Crisis Council, Novant Health, One Love, area churches and a number of organizations that have come together to offer services and support for victims.
“Look at what has come from all the connections,” said Smith. “This is what makes it work, the coming together to raise the voices. Look at what all of this has accomplished.”
Jasmine Pinn, who joined the Family Crisis Council four months ago and specializes in sexual assault and human trafficking, said she also wants people to realize that men are victims, too.
“We are getting men, finally, to come in and report sexual assault, which is a big step. Yes, we have struggled to get women to report, but for a long time, men just did not. The attitude was because they are men, they should be able to stop the assault, or that they won’t be believed that they did not want the encounter.” She said it is also essential that people recognize human trafficking is not just happening other places, it is here in Rowan County.
“We struggle because this is also Breast Cancer Awareness month, and of course we don’t want to take away from that. But there is room to support both. We need more people to stop being afraid of domestic violence and sexual assault and to talk about it.”
The goal of awareness is to help community members recognize the signs of domestic violence, provide essential support services, and offer safety tips for creating an escape plan for those in danger.
Also in October are “Wear Purple Wednesdays.” Residents and supporters are encouraged to wear purple every Wednesday in October to show solidarity with domestic violence survivors.
For those in a domestic violence-related situation, assistance is available. Contact the Family Crisis Council 24-hour Hotline at 704-636-4718 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).