By Duane Galloway

Hello, neighbors, I need your help. Like you, I am attempting to stick with my New Year’s Resolution. The resolution is that I want to be a better man, a well-adjusted member of the community and cease to be the degenerate I have become.

The past election cycle and subsequent events proved my moral system is solidly out of touch with reality. I know blaming one’s parents is cliché, but they taught me that lying is a sin, and that has made me hopelessly out of touch. Today, lying is not only acceptable but also encouraged.

Neighbors, I need advice on how to think only of my own needs and never think about how others would be affected by my decisions. I must learn to believe that when someone gains any rights or privileges, I must lose something. And how am I supposed to guard everything that I have been given or worked hard for? Neighbors, every morning my feet touch the floor in my house with my mancave and food in my pantry. My parents and grandparents passed down land and money to help me get started. Some may call it privilege, but I call it being better than everyone else. According to today’s norms, my moral system should allow me to protect that without feeling guilty! 

Surely, I must consider my hurts and struggles above anyone else’s. And neighbors, I must also learn to believe everything I hear and stop using my silly logic. My fears must lead me, and my anger be my guide.  

So, where else could I seek help?  At one time I would have said that I could seek solace in my faith. But the teachings of Jesus are out of touch today as well. Peace and love! Really? I may have to love someone who does not look like me or have the same ideas I have. That is much too frightening! (But Jesus did say there would be a judgment for those who cannot find it in themselves to love. Whoops! Where does that leave me?)  

Ah, I will ask for help on social media. No one there will steer me wrong! 2025 is sure to be a banner year for me!

Postscript: Satire as a literary form was invented by ancient Greek playwrights. It is defined as, “criticizing something by exaggerating its characteristics to the point of absurdity.” 

“Dear Neighbor” authors are united in a belief that civility and passion can coexist. We believe curiosity and conversation make us a better community.